For Sale: Palatial Mountain Getaway

Location, location, location! This one-bedroom is close to nothing.

Step inside the 29-square-foot ripstop nylon palace and say hello to your new home! The open floor plan is move-in ready, as soon as you cram it into a backpack and walk a few miles into the middle of nowhere with it. If you’ve always been curious about Tiny House living, this is your chance! Like really tiny. Like if you have one other person in here that you’re not intimately involved with, it might feel a little cramped. And even if you are intimately involved with your roommate, you might experience new frontiers in body odor, theirs and yours.

This property weighs in at under four pounds, and gets wonderful morning light, as well as wonderful evening light, depending on where you set it up. Enjoy the pitter-patter of raindrops on the new rainfly inside your cozy living room/bedroom, and also potentially be awoken from your slumber by a nearby thunderstorm that, let’s face it, could shoot a bolt of lightning through the roof of this place like a hot knife through butter.

The charming twin doors can be lashed open for sunrise and sunset views, and there’s plenty of room for all your backpacks and footwear in the spacious foyer. Although it probably won’t seem as spacious when you have to crouch/squat/lunge your way out the door in a stupor in the middle of the night when you have to pee.

The adjoining kitchen and dining room have been refinished with rock countertops and reclaimed wood benches, with plenty of seats for your next dinner party. All the bathrooms are brand-new—as in, every time you go to the bathroom, it’s in a new spot. As in, dig a new hole, shit in it, and bury it. And then repeat next time.

Don’t like the idea of spending your weekends mowing the lawn? The beautifully xeriscaped front and back yards, also known as “nature,” require zero watering or maintenance.

Schedule a showing today and picture yourself here—this opportunity won’t last! Also, if you’re not careful, the mesh on the doors, walls and ceiling won’t last either, so try to minimize your oafishness around here.